Well, it seems that my beloved West Ham acquitted themselves well in their season opener yesterday, defeating Wolverhampton 2-0. Whoop! You will notice that I say ‘seems’ because as I am easing my way in to the obsession (don’t want to shock my system too much, you see), I didn’t actually watch the game, but rather read about it afterwards. The reading was very interesting, however, because I learned that my team is in real danger of being compromised by pressure from the Icelandic owners who want the manager to free up cash by selling some of our best players (as a fan I’m meant to say ‘our’, correct?) in light of the poor state of the Icelandic economy.

I mean, who knew that Iceland could wreck our chances of topping the Premier League? Not me. I might have to start feeling a grudge against Iceland that is in inverse proportion to my affection for West Ham.